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That was hard today. Really hard. Young people should not be allowed to die. It's not fair. Not fair at all. It made me so sad to see so many people so upset. I have cankersores all on the inside of my mouth now from biting my lip so hard to keep from bursting out in tears. I had no right to cry. I didn't even know him. The wake was terrible. Sitting in the room after we'd seen the family with the other Brothers... the tension was just unbearable. Everyone was on the verge of tears but no one was crying. I couldn't breathe because the lump in the back of my throat was so big. Later that evening all the Brothers went with candle's to Andrew's house and sang for his parents. It was really beautiful but horribly sad at the same time. I couldn't hold back the tears at that point, but I didn't sob hysterically like I've needed to all day. I still need to cry and I probably will wind up crying myself to sleep, not just because I'm upset for all of the pain Andrew's friends and family are in, but because of all the things today made me think about. We spent most of the day at Zack's house, another of Jeff's Brothers, along with the rest of the fraternity. His parents were wonderful enough to have everyone over. They were so great, cooking and everything. My mom, even if she was still able to, would never do that. At least, if she did she wouldn't give me peace the entire time. She would be yelling at me in her horrible shrill voice. I hate my family. The only real family I have is my friends and now I see how easy I can lose them. And while I hope none of them ever die tragically on me, I know that eventually I'm going to move away from them, or they from me, and we'll lose touch. And then I'm scared because... I'll be all alone. I'm upset, too, because I was able to reflect on how badly I fucked so many things up by breaking up with Jeff. If I could take anything back ever, I'd take that back. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done and argh. There's nothing that can be done about it now. What's done is done. And now I feel like a jerk because I'm worried about how bad my life is when really, I'm so lucky that I didn't lose anyone close to me. I hope I never have to and I hope none of you do, either... For those of you who have religion or believe in a higher power, please, if you get a chance, pray for Andrew, his family,all of his friends, and his fraternity brothers. Rest in peace, Drew Guy. May angels lead you in...



( 2 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
Jul. 8th, 2003 04:21 pm (UTC)
Even though I don't know who you're talking about, I am sorry to hear that. My thoughts and prayers will be with him and his family :(
Jul. 8th, 2003 08:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks. That means a lot. :)
( 2 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
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