i'm disaster (wolfsavard) wrote,
i'm disaster

I'll be back to pay the bills, but practicality may poison my joy.

I know this journal has been horribly neglected for some time now, and I'm not sure I have anyone left on livejournal to even read it, but yet sitting here on a flight home from Dragon*Con I feel compelled to write. Though, I don't really know about what.

This year has been pretty epic. I've traveled a lot. In fact, I feel like I have pretty much just been traveling since the end of June. Los Angeles, Chicago, Napa, London, Istanbul, Charleston, and now I'm on my way back from Atlanta (and definitely the most memorable Dragon*Con ever). London was for the Olympics, that is a trip I've been planning for years, and it was a huge bucket list item. I might be a little depressed that it's over though the glow of how incredible the trip was hasn't really faded yet.

This year I finally made the decision to move to Los Angeles. I've been talking about it for years, but I'm really going to pull the trigger. My plan is to be out there by Thanksgiving.

And sitting on this plane right now I feel like I'm crashing. I've been so distracted by just go-go-going all summer long that I haven't had time to realize what an epically life-changing decision I'm about to make. And I'm kind of like, "OMG WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?" And suddenly I feel extremely alone and full of anxiety. Maybe I'm just too exhausted and for too long have been deprived of nourishing food and exercise and any semblance of routine and it's finally all suffocating me. Maybe once I'm home in my apartment I'll feel better, but I sort of expect it to just feel as foreign to me as the hotel in Istanbul for how often I've been there the past month.

I know this horrible feeling is not going to last forever, and I know that moving is the right thing to do. I know if I don't do it, I'll be full of regret. Hey, and if it sucks? I can always just cut my losses and come back home.

But right now I just need to figure out some way to regroup because I have so much to do. I have jobs to apply for and moving plans to figure out and clutter and junk to get rid of. And friends to spend as much time with as humanly possible. Oh, and I think I have to work a bunch in there, too, like the 5 days I'm working next week. Ugh. Working five days a week is absolute rubbish. I love vacation, but it's a bitch when I come back and have to make up for it.

I already feel like I can breathe a bit better just having gotten some of this off my chest (or maybe it's the gin & tonic). I will be okay... I just need a nap. And maybe to write in here a bit more often. Later, skaterz.
Tags: dragon*con, i have issues, london, los angeles, olympics, stress

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