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When I close my eyes it's you I see.

Everything was going wrong at work on Sunday. I had patients in excruciating pain and even though I was doing everything I could, it wasn't enough. One patient couldn't catch her breath. Another wanted to eat more than anything, and I was doing a back and forth with the doctors all day trying to get him answers. But nothing I did seemed to be enough. It was extremely disheartening and exhausting. My patients all thanked me for doing what I could, but I just hated not being able to do more.

Highlight of the day though was one of our patients, who I'd worked with earlier in the week, was finally keeping food down for the first time in weeks. He'd just been lying in bed dizzy and nauseous, unable to keep even a few sips of iced tea down. All of us had been at such a loss as to what to do for him because none of the antinausea meds did a thing for him. But he finally was able to eat! And was asking for foods. One of the other nurses gave him one of the cupcakes I'd brought in to work, and he loved it! I brought him in another and he was thrilled. Told me how delicious it was. :) It just made me so happy to make a difference. I really do love my patients so much.

What I don't love? Performing. I don't know why I always think it'll go well and that it's a good idea. I'm just like not cut out for it. My first static trapeze performance is Saturday, and I think my last rehearsal is tomorrow. Due to injuries and sickness, I have yet to do the whole thing through from top to bottom and I'm terrified. Thinking about it makes me want to seriously throw up. I just can't even think about it. I don't even know what I'm wearing, or my hair, or anything. I just.. ugh, I wish there was more time. I'm going to go try not to vomit now, or at least get a good night's rest so I'll maybe for once be 100% for a rehearsal. Ugh, wish me luck. Later, skaterz.


( 13 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
May. 4th, 2010 04:37 am (UTC)
Two things. First: You are an amazing person for going into the nursing field. It takes a special person to do that and I applaud you! *hugs*

Second, your icon reminded me of this...did you hear that Jewel is coming to D*Con???

*hugs you* I miss you darlin!! *more hugs*
May. 6th, 2010 04:26 pm (UTC)
I did hear and I'm very excited. :)

I miss you!!!!
May. 4th, 2010 04:43 am (UTC)
I would say 'break a leg' as far as wishing luck goes, but I think that only works for plays, not trapeze, and I certainly do not want you to get hurt! So, I'll go with "Good luck!" like a normal person.

The patient eating the cupcake just proves, though, that cupcakes are miracles.
May. 6th, 2010 04:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
(Deleted comment)
May. 6th, 2010 04:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you... super nervous. My final rehearsal didn't go well, still have yet to do the whole thing through annnd I fell off for the first time. So angry at myself. But hopefully a bad rehearsal will mean a good show.
May. 4th, 2010 01:34 pm (UTC)
That's wonderful about your patient with the cupcakes!

And I'm sure you're doing everything you can for people. You're such a good person, and I'd love to have you as my nurse in a situation like that...even if you can't get things done because others are being frustrating, it's nice to know, when you're in hospital, that SOMEONE is looking out for you and caring for you.


You'll do FINE at your performance! I have faith in that!
May. 6th, 2010 04:34 pm (UTC)
Awww, thank you. And I am going to try to have faith, too.
May. 6th, 2010 04:35 pm (UTC)
If you need to, borrow my faith. I've got plenty in ya.
May. 6th, 2010 04:37 pm (UTC)
May. 6th, 2010 02:24 am (UTC)
Baby, I <3 you. And know the performance will be excellent! I can't wait!
May. 6th, 2010 04:37 pm (UTC)
I can't wait to see you!
May. 8th, 2010 02:49 pm (UTC)
Nursing is super-hard and you are a special person to have chosen it. Even if you can't get a "result" per se, your patients probably feel so much better just knowing that someone cares enough to try to help.

Performance-wise, just remember what you love about trapeze and don't worry too much about everything else. If you're doing something you love, that will show, and it will look amazing because you're having fun.
May. 8th, 2010 04:47 pm (UTC)
That's very good advice. Thank you. :)
( 13 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

just me.

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