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I'm halfway home and I'm on my own.

So I feel like I need to get something off my chest so maybe I can stop dwelling on it. On Saturday foreverseenstar and I threw a Halloween party. This is usually our big party for the year. We don't throw parties like we used to, and maybe only have like really one a year these days. Halloween is a big deal for us. So I was pretty pumped about the party. I put a lot of time and money planning for it, neither of which I really have much of these days. So of the 60+ people that were invited to the party, only 11 actually showed. A bunch of people who RSVPed that they would come wound up not coming, some of whom didn't even let me know, or waited until the very last minute to say anything. There was also a bunch of people who never even replied to the invitation.

I get that having a party on Halloween isn't the most ideal... people have kids and trick-or-treaters. If there was any other day I could've done it, I would've. Also, I get that I haven't been the most super awesome friend this year. Nursing school has sort of sucked up any social life, and honestly I try to see people, and make time for my friends, but I'm exhausted and busy and burnt out like all the time. So I'm trying to still be a good friend... I might not make it onto LJ more than once a week, but I do eventually read people's entries. I reply to tweets and facebook posts. But apparently it's not good enough, because I feel like I'm just losing all of my friends. I've made some new friends in my program, but I don't know if I can count on those lasting past the program, even though I've spent like 30+ hours a week with these people. I feel like at the end of this year I will be distanced from everyone I know and that's a pretty lonely place to be.

I get that my friends are busy people, that they have a lot going on, too, but it just really hurt that many of them could not make it a priority to go to the one party we have a year, especially when they were given more than a month's notice about the event. At least a legitimate RSVP would've been nice from people, but many couldn't even do that. Why bother even sending invitations? I literally spent hundreds of dollars buying party supplies and food, and you know it's worth it when I get to share that with my friends. But this time it just felt like a big waste because even though I did have a great time with the people who showed up, all the party reminded me of was just how much I don't really matter. I felt stupid for putting in all the effort.

So, I had plans to like throw a graduation party or something, because I'm anticipating being able to have some semblance of a life again, but now I don't think I'll bother. I really don't have the time and money to put into something just to be reminded of how easily it is for people to ignore. It just hurts to not be a priority anymore... and who knows, maybe I deserve it. I'm not angry at anyone, and am past holding any kind of animosity about it, but I'm just disappointed. And I just felt a need to vent. Sorry for the whining... that's all for now. Later, skaterz.


( 16 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
Nov. 5th, 2009 07:58 am (UTC)
Oh honey, that's something that would depress me, too. I was never one with many friends, I always just had a few good ones. However, if more than half don't show up with all the effort you had put in the party, that's unexpected and hurtful *hugs you*

I'm afraid this will only get better when you have more time on your hands again. As soon as they realize you're back, I don't think this time will make much difference in the long run. It just sucks right now :(

What's your Twitter-name? I don't think I've added you over there. Mine is shayajaelle.
Nov. 5th, 2009 01:29 pm (UTC)
I hope things will get better! And I'm wolfsavard on Twitter, too. I just added you! :) You're gorgeous!
Nov. 5th, 2009 03:24 pm (UTC)
<3 *hugs* (you have email)
Nov. 13th, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC)
<3 Hope I get to see you this weekend... need to get my tires done, too, but hopefully we'll cross paths!
Nov. 5th, 2009 09:53 pm (UTC)
:( I feel awful about not making it myself. It's a lot to put down in a lj post, but hopefully I'll be able to explain better this weekend why everything got so darn complicated. I love you very very very much and am so so sorry to let you down.
Nov. 13th, 2009 05:14 pm (UTC)
We need to schedule Megan-Laura time very soon! Hopefully your Thanksgiving break isn't already filled up.
Nov. 6th, 2009 02:06 am (UTC)
Oh, sweetie.

I'm so sorry.

I really wish I could've been there. Your parties are wonderful, and you're such a good friend, and I miss you muchly.

*hugs you tight*
Nov. 13th, 2009 05:12 pm (UTC)
Hopefully I will get to see you soon!
Nov. 13th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
I hope so too! *snug*
Nov. 6th, 2009 02:57 am (UTC)
*hugs* I'm sorry sweetie. You know if I lived closer, I would've totally been at your party! I'm sorry people bailed on you and just ignored your invites. That's just rudeness. *more hugs*
Nov. 13th, 2009 05:12 pm (UTC)
It would be awesome if you lived closer!!!!
Nov. 13th, 2009 06:18 pm (UTC)
Wouldn't it though? I swear sometimes I seriously consider trying to move out of SC again...I mean I have friends practically all over New England. *hugs*
Nov. 6th, 2009 03:00 am (UTC)
It's understandable if people couldn't come, cuz like you said, trick-or-treaters and whatnot. But the least they could've done is RSVP and let you know that :(
Nov. 13th, 2009 05:15 pm (UTC)
Maybe paper invitations would convey more seriousness? Hmph.
Nov. 6th, 2009 02:14 pm (UTC)
:( We are definitely doing something big for your graduation!! You worked so hard, we have to celebrate! We can have a party here so you don't have to do any work!
Nov. 13th, 2009 05:15 pm (UTC)
I feel like celebrating graduation is a moot point if I don't have a job. lol
( 16 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

just me.

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