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Yeah, I suck at this, and everything else. So I sort of ignored Lent and all the promises I made to myself. I don't know what keeps me from writing, but I guess it's just because I'm overloaded with everything. I feel like a wretched and terrible person whose priorities are horribly out of whack and I don't know why everyone I know hasn't just abandoned me at this point. I was lousy at managing my time today so I didn't even get to the hospital. I haven't been since Sunday. I'm assuming my mom is still there considering no one has called to harass me about her discharge. But she's actually pretty alert these days so that makes me feel like an even more terrible person for not going to see her. I'm a horrible person. I should start completely withdrawing so that when I'm totally alone by the end of this program it won't be a terrible shock.

I feel like the only thing I'm not completely failing at is school. I've been getting good grades, particularly in things related to oncology (100 on my lung cancer presentation and a 104 on our oncology quiz), so that just makes me feel even more drawn to that specialty. I love the time I spend in clinicals. I know I'm where I belong and am heading toward the right path. I spend most of my time terrified I'm not doing something right... but somehow I love it.

I'm in the home stretch right now. Two days of clinical left, one research conference, one day of lecture, a nursing theory presentation, and an epic final exam are the only things standing between me and two weeks of freedom. Honestly I think if this semester was going to last one day longer I'd have a nervous breakdown.

Sorry for the self loathing. Things are just challenging and sucky right now and I need to whine. One way or another they'll get better. Just need to get to that point I guess. Time to go before I'm late to NECCA. Later, skaterz.

PS - Champagne is 15 years old today. What an old man. That dog needs to live forever.


Apr. 27th, 2009 01:48 pm (UTC)
I tried
Apr. 27th, 2009 01:50 pm (UTC)
Re: I tried
Tried what?
Apr. 27th, 2009 01:53 pm (UTC)
Re: I tried
to encourage you an make you feel un-abandoned.
nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

just me.

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