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I deny the tears in my eyes.

Sometimes I think about my dad and I can't even breathe.

I feel very manic these days, I'm either really hyper or I have like this chest crushing pain. I'm anxious or depressed. I feel like it's not that often, mainly only when I don't have anything going on and I find myself with more than ten minutes of free time to actually stop and think.

Right now I think I'm just sleep deprived (I haven't gotten more than two hours a night since Sunday) and I think I forgot to eat today, so I'm sure that's not helping matters.

Why can't I just let myself be comforted? Why am I so scared to let other people see that I am hurting? It's one thing to write a journal entry, but then in person I just shrug it off. I'm not fine. I'm not just tired. Sometimes I feel like I'm breaking.

I just... I guess I could really use a distraction right now. Please.

Comments

daydreamer
Nov. 10th, 2007 02:28 am (UTC)
Re: the not sleeping - have you tried taking anything? I don't want to push drugs on you if you're not comfortable with that, but taking a non-prescription pill two or three nights in a row really helped me sometimes. It's really amazing how much better I could cope when I could focus (and if nothing else, it's 7-8 fewer hours you have to be awake dealing with shit). Additionally, I recommend bubble baths. I hadn't had one in like 18 years before last year and I was so missing out.

(edited to add a more comforting icon)

Edited at 2007-11-10 02:29 am (UTC)
nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

just me.

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