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You could do so much better.

I am like the laziest most pathetic person ever.

I have had tons of time to study for my muscle quiz tomorrow and I haven't. I've been writing a stupid fanfic that NO ONE cares about or even understands, aside from maybe foreverseenstar. I haven't even done work at work because I've been writing that fic instead. It's so incredibly stupid and it makes me want to punch myself in the face.

And even now, what am I not doing? Studying for the fucking quiz. I'm whining about how pissed I am at myself for not having been studying.

My class got canceled on Monday and so I had this whole unexpected evening free. (I got my exam back though. I got a 97. \o/ Of course that's because I actually studied for that one.) You'd think I would've used it for studying, but instead I stayed up until 4AM to write the stupid thing. Oh, and then I stayed up until 5AM reading Harry Potter. And yes, my cat still woke me up at 6AM.

So yeah... the past 48 hours? I've been writing a stupid story. Not studying. Not working at work. Not reading a book that I really want to finish. Not sleeping. I haven't really been eating either. I keep forgetting. Which is probably why I dropped another 1.5 lbs. Which I would be excited about except it's totally just going to come right back since I lost it by starving myself. (Unintentionally. I am not anorexic, just absent minded.)

But fuckingfuckfuckFUCK. I am in no goddamn mood to learn 45 muscles, their insertions, origins, and functions. I am like not really even caring what my grade is on it because I am rocking such a strong A in the class right now. I know... worst attitude to have ever. My biggest concern is telling my dad that I got a bad grade, and I got that bad grade because I didn't study hard enough, even though I promised him I would.

My dad, by the way, who probably has another tumor, this time in his arm. It's been paining him for a while so he went in for a bone scan last week. Probably won't have results for another week and half, but I have very little faith that it's not another tumor. This is the same thing that happened to his leg. So another tumor will probably mean more chemo/radiation/evil drugs that suck the life out of him 10x faster than the cancer ever would. So, yeah. Fuck that.

Fuck everything. I am so fucking worthless. I need to go study if it kills me. Later, skaterz.

PS - I really hate myself for bitching and moaning when 32 innocent people lost their lives because of some selfish fuckedup asshole with a gun and yet another ineffective, incompetent college administrative system. So fuck me for not having any kind of perspective.

PPS - AND FUCK YOU!!! STUPID FUCKING DRAG RACER!!! I AM GOING TO TAKE A FUCKING LOUISVILLE SLUGGER TO YOUR GHETTO FUCKING KIA AND SLASH YOUR FUCKING TIRES.

PPS - FOR SERIOUS, PEOPLE! Finish up my freakin' movie meme. I swears...they aren't that hard!

Comments

frayedgray
Apr. 18th, 2007 03:12 pm (UTC)
I've this impression that chemo makes you feel like you've got the flu all the time. Radiation is burning, and the follow up drugs haunt you all the way through. Not that I've got cancer, but I know people who have.

I'm dead. I've a major exam at the end of the year, and more than half my school year is like exams/revision/MORE EXAMS ):
wolfsavard
Apr. 18th, 2007 03:17 pm (UTC)
I feel like my dad doesn't get real chemo. He only gets an IV once a month. It's just for the tumor in his leg. That's what he got the radiation for, too. The rest of his cancer (renal cell carcinoma) can't be treated with chemo or radiation, so he's been jumping from one experimental cancer drug to the next. All of which have the same horrible side effects.

Finals and exams are seriously the most stressful thing ever. When I was going to school full time the end of each semester was seriously hell. I remember my away message for like the last two weeks of every semester would be "Finals are the devil." *shudder* I don't miss it. One class at a time is enough for right now.
frayedgray
Apr. 19th, 2007 08:31 am (UTC)
oh. I'm thankful that those that I know who have got cancer have recovered. The treatment is pure hell, for everyone. I hope your dad's okay.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed because I haven't started studying yet, and I'm slacking here, reading flist and fic. Exam time for me means no CCA (like sports) in the afternoons, studying in lib and sleeping past 12. Heck, I sleep past 12 on normal days since I'm such a procrastinator. Mug mode kicks in and I get slightly more disciplined. Funny how I don't actually miss TV or anything.
wolfsavard
Apr. 19th, 2007 12:56 pm (UTC)
Thank you. Me, too. :)

Yeah, I remember being holed up in the library for like days at a time during finals, leaving once in a while to go to the dining hall, but mostly just surviving on coffee. Those were the days...
frayedgray
Apr. 19th, 2007 01:09 pm (UTC)
YES COFFEE! hahaha we currently only have stick packs. out of consideration (and to cut calories), I drink CUPS AND CUPS of water
nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

just me.

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