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I am completely nauseous and I should not be awake right now. I hate myself for some of the choices I've made. I don't regret them, because given the chance to do everything again, I'd probably make the same ones. Life is just hard sometimes, and I really hate hurting people. Great, on top of everything my headache has found me again. I've been having them on and off for a few days now, and I probably should've been in bed 5 hours ago so I could get some decent sleep. Tomorrow is a big day. It's our first chapter meeting and I don't think I've been more terrified about anything in my entire life. Thinking about it only makes me more nauseous. I have had more than one nightmare about Delta Sigma Pi this semester, and I think that in itself is just as disturbing as the actual dreams were. President? Honestly, what was I thinking. I am not cut out for this at all, if I was I wouldn't be wanting to throw up right now or waking up in cold sweats. Doing a good job with this honestly means more than anything to me right now. More than my grades, more than getting a job, and I don't know if it's healthy to care about something that much. I wish I just didn't care about anything, because I think that would make life 1000 times easier. If I didn't care so much, none of this would bother me. I would be carefree (haha no pun intended). But would I be happier? At times like this I think yes, I would be. But somehow I doubt that people who are completely apathetic lead the most fulfilling lives. Either way, I need to either be productive or try to take advantage of the little amount of sleep I have left. God, I hope tomorrow goes smoothly... oh did I say tomorrow? I meant the next two and a half weeks. I hope I survive them, if not, pray that I go painlessly. Not that I deserve that after the pain I've caused other people. Okay, now it's really time to go vomit. Later, skaterz.

Comments

( 5 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
kellystar
Jan. 24th, 2005 03:41 pm (UTC)
president??! you're president of your fraternity now?? or am i missing something here...

everything will be fine, hang in there hun!!

xoxoxo
tinkerbella610
Jan. 25th, 2005 01:35 am (UTC)
"kiss"
you did great... don't worry dear... I'll be here for you if you need me, and even if it is 2am, and you want to cry, my phone is always on for one so beautiful as yourself. Hang in there... you're doing great things for this fraternity, and I promise you that you won't let anyone down.
Love,
CB
wolfsavard
Jan. 25th, 2005 07:00 am (UTC)
Re: "kiss"
:-* I am so happy you are going to be around this semester. I love you to pieces!
tinkerbella610
Jan. 25th, 2005 02:39 pm (UTC)
Re: "kiss"
"kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss" love you too!!!
aquant1
Jan. 30th, 2005 09:43 pm (UTC)
BITTIE ur gonna be mine... haha forget about those nightmares... we are all here for you... blah DSP sucks... no more BRIAN :( see ya tonight!
( 5 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

just me.

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