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So I'm pretty fickle about a lot of things in life. I change my mind on like a weekly basis about what pleases me and what doesn't. But if there's one thing I'm constant about being absolutely in love with it's summer. June - August is definitely my favorite time of the entire year. I love the sun and the warmth. I love the long days. I love going to the beach. I love not having as much to do. I love picnics and BBQs. I love spending time with friends. I love being tan. I love wearing flip-flops. I love summer. So one would think that the 4th of July would be like the most perfect holiday for me, right? Well, it used to be. I used to love the 4th of July, just as I used to love Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving. But now they're just holidays. And I hate holidays. They just remind me of how alone I am because I don't have a family anymore. It doesn't matter how much I get to see my friends or how many parties I am invited to, it doesn't change the fact that I can't spend the holidays with my family. I feel even more wretched right now because I realized I didn't even call my dad because I was too busy missing him, and too busy trying to forget that it was even the 4th of July. I went to the beach alone on Saturday. Yesterday I worked at the mall. I didn't watch any fireworks. I didn't go to any BBQs. Instead I just cried myself to sleep. At least I don't have to deal with this kind of lonliness again until Thanksgiving. Hopefully by Christmas I'll have someone to spend it with... if not, I've grown pretty used to shitty holidays, so I guess I will manage to not kill myself again. It's so easy for me to see now why suicide rates are so much higher during the holidays... But anyway, I've accomplished nothing all day because I've just been playing with my new iPod. Yeah... I bought an iPod even though it's the last thing I could possibly afford. But I haven't used any credit cards since, so hopefully I will make that my last big purchase until... forever? haha It needs to be. But yeah, I have a project due for my class tomorrow so I need to go ahead and do that considering it's arleady 11:30 at night. The sad thing is I really have so much other crap I could still do to procrastinate about this... and I probably will. I'm pathetic. Later, skaterz.
nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

just me.

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November 2012


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