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I know this journal has been horribly neglected for some time now, and I'm not sure I have anyone left on livejournal to even read it, but yet sitting here on a flight home from Dragon*Con I feel compelled to write. Though, I don't really know about what.

This year has been pretty epic. I've traveled a lot. In fact, I feel like I have pretty much just been traveling since the end of June. Los Angeles, Chicago, Napa, London, Istanbul, Charleston, and now I'm on my way back from Atlanta (and definitely the most memorable Dragon*Con ever). London was for the Olympics, that is a trip I've been planning for years, and it was a huge bucket list item. I might be a little depressed that it's over though the glow of how incredible the trip was hasn't really faded yet.

This year I finally made the decision to move to Los Angeles. I've been talking about it for years, but I'm really going to pull the trigger. My plan is to be out there by Thanksgiving.

And sitting on this plane right now I feel like I'm crashing. I've been so distracted by just go-go-going all summer long that I haven't had time to realize what an epically life-changing decision I'm about to make. And I'm kind of like, "OMG WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?" And suddenly I feel extremely alone and full of anxiety. Maybe I'm just too exhausted and for too long have been deprived of nourishing food and exercise and any semblance of routine and it's finally all suffocating me. Maybe once I'm home in my apartment I'll feel better, but I sort of expect it to just feel as foreign to me as the hotel in Istanbul for how often I've been there the past month.

I know this horrible feeling is not going to last forever, and I know that moving is the right thing to do. I know if I don't do it, I'll be full of regret. Hey, and if it sucks? I can always just cut my losses and come back home.

But right now I just need to figure out some way to regroup because I have so much to do. I have jobs to apply for and moving plans to figure out and clutter and junk to get rid of. And friends to spend as much time with as humanly possible. Oh, and I think I have to work a bunch in there, too, like the 5 days I'm working next week. Ugh. Working five days a week is absolute rubbish. I love vacation, but it's a bitch when I come back and have to make up for it.

I already feel like I can breathe a bit better just having gotten some of this off my chest (or maybe it's the gin & tonic). I will be okay... I just need a nap. And maybe to write in here a bit more often. Later, skaterz.

Comments

( 9 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
bergeronprocess
Sep. 5th, 2012 06:45 pm (UTC)
I think that anxiety is normal, especially considering the HUGE change you are about to undergo. I'm not a therapist lol but I was raised by one and I honestly think anyone who would be totally cool bananas about moving cross-country and ALL THE STUFF you have to do in that process is either heavily medicated or in denial. (Uh, that's not to say that medication is a bad thing. Better living through chemistry!)

I've never moved like that before--although I ideally would like to someday, which I'm sure will lead to my own huge burst of anxiety and everything--but do you know anyone who has? My parents moved from Ohio to Georgia (although they didn't have jobs lined up when they did and Mom has explicitly banned me from doing the same haha); do you have friends who made big changes? Talk to them about all the little things they did in the process. Ask how they felt, too.

Also, sometimes travel fucks with your brain. I'm sure it's like an actual psychological thing, especially with ALL of the traveling you've done (oh my god HOW WAS LONDON????), that all that transition can mess with the mind and make you prone to feeling blue.

tl;dr you are totally alright in having these feels and you're gonna be fine!
wolfsavard
Sep. 6th, 2012 07:20 pm (UTC)
I think you're definitely right about the travel thing. It's just really exhausting and definitely messes with you. And London was absolutely incredible. I have to get my pictures up online. :)

And thanks, I hope I will be... >deep breath
hollywoodgrrl
Sep. 6th, 2012 11:33 am (UTC)
First of all, HELLO! So I enjoyed the un-expected, drunken meetup we did by the baaaad karaoke at the Hilton! Second of all, go you for doing all this traveling! That's really awesome. I feel like I haven't had a chance to actually travel anywhere except to yearly cons in forever. But anyway, my main question is Los Angeles is an interesting choice to move to unless you're in the entertainment industry, which as I recall isn't your profession, right? Am I wrong? Did you become an actress in the last couple years and I just didn't know about it lololol?
wolfsavard
Sep. 6th, 2012 08:20 pm (UTC)
Yeah, haven't become an aspiring actress. I have a few friends out there whom I've gone out to visit quite a bit and I really like the area. I have always wanted to live in another part of the country. I think I could live my life happily in New England, but would be really disappointed in myself if I woke up at age 40 and had never left Connecticut. Also, I need very much to be closer to a trapeze rig. :)

And yes, I also enjoyed our drunken meet up. That night only got much much stranger... haha. Oh, Dragon*Con. Is it next year yet?
hollywoodgrrl
Sep. 7th, 2012 01:58 am (UTC)
Oh, right. I remember you have trapeze skills. Omg dare I ask about that night then?
wolfsavard
Sep. 7th, 2012 03:06 am (UTC)
Ugh, it's not even worth getting in to it. But I didn't get back until dawn, wound up being kissed by people I did NOT want to be kissed by, and having my feet rubbed for an awkward length of time again by someone I didn't really need to have rubbing my feet. Sunday night was much of an improvement. :)
hollywoodgrrl
Sep. 7th, 2012 03:14 am (UTC)
Oh my! Well I'm glad it improved lol.
Kristin Bezio
Sep. 7th, 2012 05:37 pm (UTC)
It'll be okay
Laura, honey, you are resourceful, gorgeous, sweet, funny, and amazing. Moving halfway across the country to a new life is horrifying on one level, yes (been there, done that), but you are such an incredible person that it will work out. Your strength, your willpower, and your self will make sure that it happens.

I do have to say, though, I wish you were moving to Richmond, instead. :)
wolfsavard
Sep. 9th, 2012 09:03 pm (UTC)
Re: It'll be okay
Thank you. :)

Hey, if LA doesn't work out, maybe I will...
( 9 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

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