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Today was miserable. Whenever I was comfortably indoors it was sunny and beautiful but whenever I went outside it was raining and disgusting. And I didn't have an umbrella. I guess that was kind of a perfect metaphor for my day. I hate the rain, but today the sun kind of annoyed me just as much as the rain did. Lately I've been itching for winter. Somehow when it gets dark early and it's cold outside I can give myself permission to curl up in bed with a book or a movie and just relax. I guess my mood has just been more wintery than summery lately.

EB left today for Leicester, England for six months. I left work in the middle of the day to bring him to the airport and spent a couple hours with him. His flight got switched and then delayed and then delayed some more so I went back after work and spent some more time with him. I had been looking forward to a lovely evening of pilates and then drowning my sorrows in Project Runway and a pint of Ben & Jerry's, so that didn't happen. We did go to Friendly's though so there was ice cream involved. I can't believe I'm not going to see him again until November. I've known this was coming for quite some time, but I think I thought it wouldn't be as hard. I really can't think about not seeing him for that long because it kind of just breaks my heart. I know that it will be okay, but right now it just sucks.

Also, the insurance check officially posted to my bank account today. I mean, yay! but at the same time, it just makes it all so final. Like horribly, horribly final. Just seeing it in my account makes me want to burst into tears. I managed to quickly dispose of $17,000 of it paying off debts. Which didn't make me feel any better about it. Neither did quickly spending another $968 of it. I shoved most of the rest of it into a random savings account I rarely touch so I don't have to look at it. I don't want this to hurt as much as it does, but I don't want it not to either. I'm not looking forward to another first without him on Monday either.

I feel like my birthday is going to be more pathetic than usual this year. I just always wind up feeling kind of ignored, I don't know. I think I'm a baby. I get way too pissed off about things I shouldn't even let bother me. I'm an attention whore and a baby.

Birthday or not, this weekend I'd really like to wipe out the ever-growing list of tasks piling up on my "Overdue!" list in Hiveminder. I haven't been particularly productive in a while. I need to feel like less of a lump if I want to get out of this funk. I'll really hate myself more than I can possibly describe if I don't get up and go to the gym in the morning, so I should probably go to bed. Maybe I'll be less emo tomorrow. Later, skaterz.

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Comments

( 16 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
justa_paperbag
Aug. 7th, 2008 06:08 am (UTC)
Hey. It's Kyle from Myspace. I just wanted to let you know that I'm adding you.
wolfsavard
Aug. 8th, 2008 02:19 am (UTC)
Added you back!
athena2483
Aug. 7th, 2008 12:42 pm (UTC)
Don't worry, beautiful. The time will fly by the way it always does. And we will have a fantastic birthday celebration for you down in Ocean City!!
wolfsavard
Aug. 8th, 2008 02:05 am (UTC)
Can you promise we won't get stuck in NJ traffic? :)
clarkdreams
Aug. 7th, 2008 02:01 pm (UTC)
Lame birthday?! You're playing hookie, my love and we are doing it up!!!!!!
wolfsavard
Aug. 8th, 2008 02:19 am (UTC)
Thank GOD for not being at work!
jadziadaxwb
Aug. 7th, 2008 02:35 pm (UTC)
<3
wolfsavard
Aug. 8th, 2008 02:05 am (UTC)
<3
firynze
Aug. 7th, 2008 03:06 pm (UTC)
*big hugs*
wolfsavard
Aug. 8th, 2008 02:17 am (UTC)
*hugs*
betta329
Aug. 7th, 2008 05:06 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

I often feel like I wish it was winter so I could be cozy instead of summer.
wolfsavard
Aug. 8th, 2008 02:17 am (UTC)
There's something much more comforting about winter, sometimes, isn't there?
banquier
Aug. 7th, 2008 06:26 pm (UTC)
I'm feeling more winter-y than summer-y myself. I'm ready for layering clothes, and snuggling under covers. And as far as your birthday being pathetic... pfft. Your birthday is cause for celebration, and I shall be ATTEMPTING to make cupcakes myself in your honor. :o]
wolfsavard
Aug. 8th, 2008 02:18 am (UTC)
:D Let me know how they come out!
uconngaz
Aug. 7th, 2008 11:24 pm (UTC)
I'll try not to take your birthday being pathetic this year as personal... I'll TRY...
wolfsavard
Aug. 8th, 2008 02:18 am (UTC)
:-P
( 16 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

just me.

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