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Has it really been five years already? I mean, freshman year of college itself seems like so long ago, but these wounds from the terrorist attacks just seem way too fresh to it have already been five years ago. I don't even want to turn on the radio or the TV or open up a web browser today because they're all just painful reminders. I never want to forget, but it just hurts so much to remember. And all of the movies and miniseries and specials... it's all just too much to bear. We don't need this stuff to mourn or to grieve or even to remember. No one is going to be able to forget. Maybe 15 years from now they should make a movie so that a new generation can understand what happened that day, but not now. I am fairly confident that almost everyone remembers not only the events of that day, but the exact place they were when they heard about it.

It was a beautiful Tuesday. I was in my freshman year at UConn. I had a full class schedule that day, and was commuting to school at the time, so I was already 45 minutes into chemistry before the first plane hit the towers. Class went on as normal, I don't think anyone had any idea. I went to my next class, Art History, still having no idea what had happened. The first thing my professor did was thank us for coming to lecture considering the circumstances and the state of the world at the moment. I had no idea what she was talking about. I couldn't concentrate all through class because I was imagining the UConn campus up in flames. I walked out of lecture and everything seemed normal. It was still a beautiful day. I walked over to East Campus to meet Amie for lunch and I asked her, "Did something happen? My art history professor made it sound like the world was ending." That's when she told me that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. I at first thought it was just one of those small prop planes, no big deal. Then she told me that two had hit, and I thought that was a weird coincidence, but still never thought of it as an attack, or was even imagining the terrible state of lower Manhattan. We listened to the news over the radio during lunch and I started to get a better scope of what was happening, but it wasn't until I scoured the campus for a TV, finally settling in front of a big screen at the Student Union that I realized the magnitude of what had happened. For the first time I saw the words "Al-Q'aeda" scroll across the bottom of the screen. Amie and I skipped band that day, I mean hey, that's a pretty good excuse to skip! On my way home my dad called my cell phone and asked if I was okay. I snapped at him, "Of course I'm okay! Am I in New York City? No. Do I know anyone who was in New York City? No!" Then he corrected me, "Yes you do, your cousin, Jeff." I immediately felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. I asked if he was okay, and my dad told me that he had been in the 2nd tower, and that he had called his father right after the first plane hit the other tower. He said he was okay and he would call back. That was the last anyone heard from him.

In the months following I remember being terribly sad. Even the sight of an American flag would bring tears to my eyes and hearing any sort of patriotic song would cause me to break down. Even now hearing things about 9/11, I still have to sometimes fight back tears. Jeffrey's memorial service was the hardest. I have never been to something more sad in my entire life. I can't even describe it any more than that without crying here at work, but it was just one of the saddest moments I have ever experienced.

But all of this on the anniversary is still so painful. I can't watch the news. I can't tell you how many times I've almost started crying today. I know that I am never going to forget September 11th, never as long as I live. But someone, please tell me, will it always be this painful?

God bless, America. We will never forget.

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nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

just me.

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