?

Log in

No account? Create an account

previous breakdown | next breakdown

So I figured I should write an entry before 2005 was completely over. Sorry it's been so long, but hey I've been busy doing stuff like graduating from college, moving into a new apartment in Manchester, taking care of a new kitten, and working a real grown up job (at a small marketing research firm in Bloomfield, CT).

I saw Brokeback Mountain with Susan yesterday, and while it was an amazing movie, the whole experience really made me sad. The movie to begin with was incredibly sad. I think being kept apart from or losing a loved one is possibly the saddest thing ever, especially iif that person is your soul mate. But like every movie makes me sad and cry. But I didn't cry at this one actually, but I had an extremely heavy heart, and I think if I hadn't tried to hold it back I probably could've burst out in tears and bawled for hours. Not because of the movie, but because I saw Kristin. And don't get me wrong, it was so wonderful to see her! I've missed her so much! But it just reminds me of all the people I like never see or talk to anymore. I feel like I only see a very small handful of my friends any more, and it honestly breaks my heart. What especially breaks my heart are the people I've just about completely lost contact with... like Susan. We were best friends in High School and then going away to college was like the great divide, and I think we lost touch for stupid reasons, and that kills me because I loved her so much. When her dad passed away, I didn't start sobbing at the wake because I was sad for his passing, but because I missed her so much. And I wanted to keep in touch after we saw each other at her dad's wake, but I didn't want her to feel like I was only keeping in touch with her out of pity. And yeah, RENT was sad, and I cry every time I see it, but during the movie I didn't bawl my eyes out during most of it because of the movie, it was because Courtney wasn't there with me, and she just should've been. I have only seen her like twice this entire year, but I am not going to lose her like Susan. And even though I only see them like twice a year, I hope I don't lose friends like Ben and Maureen Jim and Kelly either. I wish I saw them more. I wish I saw everyone more. Maybe that would be a good resolution for 2006, to try and be a better friend, to return phone calls and keep in touch, to try and see more of people. I think that might be better for my health than vowing to go to the gym five times a week, better for mind than reading more books, and better for my soul than trying to make it to church every Sunday. So if you read this, and you're my friend, and I haven't seen you in the past 30 days just know that I miss you. Val, Brad, Chase, Todd, Tom, Jim, Maureen, Susan, Kelly, Ben... I miss you.

Hopefully, I'll see you next year.

Comments

( 3 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
(Anonymous)
Jan. 3rd, 2006 11:42 pm (UTC)
Susan
Every once in a long while I check out your away message. I was glad I did today because I got to see your message. She resigned from TFA, but she's staying in NJ - looking for a new job and writing. You should send her an email (susan.elizabeth.morris@gmail.com) or IM her on AIM (tfajerseygirl). She's home about once a month. She usually hides out at home, but you could probably talk her into coffee at Starbucks.

I know exactly how you feel about crying. The boys and I went to see "Wicked" and I started sobbing during "For Good" because I realized that it so clearly spewed out all the feelings I have right now. I loved Bob, even though he often drove me crazy, and without a doubt I am who I am because I knew him. I miss him desperately and, yet, on some level I'm excited about this new phase in my life. I feel totally screwed up, but at the same time very centered on what I need to do. I feel like I'm growing up all over again, only this time I'm am so aware of being in this place. With any luck, your life is a lot more stable!

I think of you often. Stop by. We're here all the time and always have room for one more at dinner.

Barbara Hoff
foreverseenstar
Jan. 4th, 2006 02:41 am (UTC)
omg i'm crying now. everything upon everything right now and despite how much i hate everyone and everything (yay for being off my meds ha), i love you guys.

...i need to go cuddle a pet now...
hottiemchottie
Jan. 9th, 2006 04:30 am (UTC)
i miss you too... i forget sometimes how hard it is for me to see people that were a part of my life when Ben was. The way things happened I always wonder what was going on that I didn't know about... I feel bad for saying that, but it was hard sometimes to trust him. It was really nice to see you though--and i had just been thinking about you when i was at the mall that week. I think I'm going to copy your resolution and make it mine, too: KEEP IN TOUCH. :)
( 3 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

just me.

Latest Month

November 2012
S M T W T F S
    123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930 

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow