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It's recently dawned on me what I'm craving out of life more than anything. It's security. I haven't had that in my life in so long and I miss it. That's why I'm so sick of school. I can't stand this right now, not knowing what's going to happen to me at all when May rolls around. It's terrifying. And job hunting? Well, that's just as tiring as doing school work, and I'm sick of that too. I am actually really surprised by what happened yesterday though... I was accepted for a job interview! With ACNeilsen BASES. I'm excited, or at least I was until I realized I have to fill out more applications, give them a writing sample, my transcripts, and take an hour-long test. I was so blown away that I got the interview, I will die if they don't completely reject me. I am certain they will, probably even before the actual interview, realize that I am completely underqualified and full of B.S. I'm actually pretty much planning on not being able to find a job before I graduate. I'll be astounded if I actually do. Which sucks, because it's all I want. I want the security of a steady job. The security of a steady relationship would be nice, but I don't see that happening any time soon either. I wish I knew that there would be some completely wonderful guy just waiting for me when I got out of college. Great guy, great job... that'd be perfect. But I learned a long time ago that my life is very far from perfect. So I'm preparing myself to be jobless and alone. But I really want it. I want security. I hate being scared. I hate being stressed out about it. I hate how distracting it is... I mean, I'm like not even living in the present anymore becuase I'm too busy worrying about what's going to happen 7 months from now. I'm scared I'm going to lose these next 7 months of my life to worrying about this crap. I just want it all to come together now. Or soon. Or something. I don't know. I'm rambling now, and I need to be working on my research paper. (What a surprise!) Later, skaterz.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot... San Francisco was awesome. It's great out there. We saw giant redwoods, and hung around in Golden Gate park, and did lots of shopping, and ate amazing food. It was so lovely. I'll post pictures when I'm not lazy one day (so in all likelihood, not anytime soon).


...and I still don't know where it goes...

Comments

( 5 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
kellystar
Oct. 22nd, 2004 02:24 pm (UTC)
i know all about what you are worrying about. it's really great that you got a job interview with ACNielsen, GOOD LUCK!!! i just though maybe i could offer a little advice though since i've been there done that :P

the most important thing to keep in mind is that you are soo young!! i know how you feel when you say that you want security, believe me i know. things would be sooo much easier if that perfect job and perfect guy were just standing there waiting for you on the other side of the podium at graduation, but they're not necessarily going to be there. i graduated at one of the worst times, the job market sucked (still isn't great) and there just aren't many jobs. just keep in mind that you are going to be working for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!!! and you don't have to make a decision to work at a job permanantly right away. i know that i'm not going to be at the job that i'm at right now permanantly that's for sure (they made me cry today! how dare them!) and i know that i just have to keep looking and when the time is right, i am going to find that perfect job. but honestly until then you should do something fun! because after you find that secure job, you might not get to do fun little odd jobs. definitely enjoy your time before the corporate world gobbles you up.

as for the perfect guy thing pshh. guys suck. they never know what they want and the most important thing is to be happy by yourself before you go and settle down with that "perfect" guy. i know i am repeating myself, but i swear they just never know exactly what they want (unless it's like a friends with benefits situation, they have no trouble decided that). i haven't talked about him much in my lj but there's this boy... pat. i don't know what his deal is. he's still in school (graduating in december), finance major.. who knows, you may have seen his tall ass abercrombie looking face walking around the school of business. he's the nicest guy, really awesome when we're together blah blah blah. he only calls on the weekends, what's that all about? i'm not even sure how i feel about him, we don't even spend enough time together for me to figure that out! luckily i'm in a place where it doesn't really bother me that i only talk/see him on the weekends and whatever happens, happens. i'm not really that worried about it.

ANYWAY.. i'm gonna shutup now :P i just thought that maybe i could share some words of wisdom so that you won't be so worried about graduating in 7 months. DON'T WORRY!!! things will work themselves out and you should definitely be making the best of your last year of college, it is sooo bittersweet moving on after you're done so enjoy it while you still can
<3<3<3<3<3 xoxoxoxoxoxox!!!

umm.. record for the longest comment ever??
wolfsavard
Oct. 25th, 2004 08:00 am (UTC)
Thanks :-) You actually made me feel a lot better.

And yes, definitely longest comment ever.

I miss you! Yellowcard is coming up though, I guess I will see you then!
kellystar
Oct. 25th, 2004 02:03 pm (UTC)
good i'm glad that i made you feel better :-)

yes, yellowcard is coming up and i can't wait!! i'm so excited!!
if i'm up visiting or whatever before that though i'll be sure to give you a ring, it's been a while
foreverseenstar
Oct. 22nd, 2004 03:07 pm (UTC)
I totally forgot to ask... too much stress, losing my mind.

Did you hit Haight and Ashbury and see all the dirty hippies and have amazing Thai food?
(Anonymous)
Oct. 28th, 2004 11:06 am (UTC)
cheer up.
cheer up. because i said so.

anyhow, lets go shooting. itll get your mind off of that shit... got the camera bag packed.

-drew (SilentNooch)
( 5 beeps — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

just me.

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