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I think I'm going to stop getting my hopes up about things, because I always seem just to be let down. I got stood up tonight, but for a good reason I guess. It wasn't his fault and he didn't do it on purpose. I'm supposed to see him tomorrow instead, but I sort of had unofficial plans with Kristina and Megan. Hopefully I can see them during the day and then Joe at night. Or maybe they'll just understand. I really want to see him. It took me forever to fall asleep last night just because I was so excited that I was going to see him today. Oh well. I've actually since being home have gotten used to being my old, lethargic, content to sit on my ass all day in front of the computer self. This of course isn't really condusive to getting back in shape, in fact it's making me more out of shape, since all I ever do is sit here on my bed all day and eat junk and then go out late, usually to eat and then wind up eating even worse junk. Yeah, since I've been home: Friendly's: 3, Denny's: 3, Vernon Diner: 1. I told myself I was going to go to Curves, but I'm lazy. I would go right now, but I'm sort of nervous about going back after I haven't been in so long. Once you fall off the wagon, it's hard to get back on. The only thing that's been any kind of productive about this break is that I have been able to catch up with some friends. I guess I never really realized how much I didn't see them when I was with Jeff. But it's been nice. I'm really looking forward to New Years and NYC. So I haven't really been as incredibly lonely as I thought I would be. The loneliness is still there though. It comes at random times and not always when I'm alone. And when it comes it hits me like a ton of bricks and I just want to cry or knock myself out or something. It's going to be strange not having someone to kiss at midnight. Somehow I think I'll make do though. I'm getting better... slowly. And by better, I think I just mean more apathetic. There's a lot of things I'm really excited about in the next few weeks... I just really hope I don't end up disappointed. I hate disappointment. Maybe that's why some people think I'm such a pessimist. See, if I always expect the worst, I'm never disappointed. Life's disappointing enough when one's not expecting rainbows and sunshine. Alright, I don't think there was a real point to this journal entry and it's just getting more depressing by the sentence so I think I'll just end it. Later, skaterz.

Cause turning to you is like falling in love when you're ten.

Comments

( a very loud beep — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
athena2483
Dec. 30th, 2003 10:05 pm (UTC)
We would have understood. But I am happy it all seemed to work out (assuming you saw him tonight). And I think you know who to turn to at midnight. ;) Love you, woman.
( a very loud beep — speeeeeaaaakkkkk )
nurse. leo. attention whore. punk rock princess. flexitarian. space case. deltasig. browncoat. fangirl. professional bridesmaid. lover. geek. only child. dreamer. former market researcher. aerialist. uconn husky. internet addict. twentysomething. enfp/j. crazy cat lady. gryffindor. bohemian. new england gangsta. democrat. narcissist. daughter. friend.

just me.

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