I woke up on this day two years ago, I was getting ready to go back to work after having been off for a week, sitting at my father's death bed. I hadn't passed yet... the doctor's gave him three days, and now we were going on day ten, but I felt guilty for having been out so long. So I figured I'd go back, that it wasn't doing any good just waiting. Then I got the phone call saying he had finally passed. I still regret that I wasn't there when it happened, but I think he wanted it that way. I think he waited until he was alone... that's just kind of how he was. Very private.

So it's been two years and I feel like life really hasn't gotten any easier. I mean, it's not like I haven't gone on living, or I can't function on a daily basis, but it's just like there's always this emptiness weighing on me. It sucks sometimes more than others...like milestones. Big milestones kind of suck. Like I was so excited when I got into nursing school, but then immediately sad that I couldn't share it with him. I imagine graduation in 10 days will be much the same.

Maybe I don't really feel like going through any more milestones without him, so that's why instead of doing starting the massive assessment and care plan I have due tomorrow, I'm baking. Yes, I am Izzie Stevens.

Last night I was at the hospital where he died for an educational program. That was the first time I'd been back there, and it was weird, but not that hard. Today I've got clinical on the oncology floor. Sunday there was a patient dying of renal cell carcinoma (my dad's cancer) and I hope I don't come across that patient. I just hope my shift today is therapeutic and not painful. But yeah... I should do some work... or some more baking. Sorry for all the gloom lately, but I swear not looking for a pity party. Later, skaterz.

I'm thankful for a lot of things... my friends, my health, my cat, my financial stability (albeit growing more precarious every day I go unemployed), trapeze, my nursing education and the fact that I'm almost done with it, and what little family I have left. Despite being thankful for so much, I hate Thanksgiving. I always spent Thanksgiving with my dad, and two years ago Thanksgiving was the last day I got to speak to him. The next day he went into the hospital and died 10 days later. So I somehow staill always have somewhere to go on Thanksgiving, but it's not the same. This time of year, these days surrounding Thanksgiving as we transition into December are the worst of the year. I don't find myself thinking of all the things of thankful for, but what I'm still so upset about losing. But so far I've made it through another holiday, despite the fact that I feel desperately lonely and depressed almost all the time. If I can make it through December 3rd, which may not be that easy considering I'll be on an oncology floor that day, then maybe this crushing sensation on my chest, and this sense of impending doom will go away.

Because I actually do like Christmas.

I put up most of the decorations today, even though I should've been doing the mounds of homework and projects I have. The cat is happy, but I don't know if I feel any better. I hope Christmas is good this year... I feel like it might be lame because I can't afford to be as generous I have in the past. (Hopefully people will remember that I tried to be doubly generous last year...) But I am still sending out holiday cards! I promise they're super cute.

Poll #1491517 Holiday Cards
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 6

Who wants a holiday card? Leave your address here!

Leave your address or email me and I'll send you one. Also, I am on LJ so sporadically these days, if you could direct me to your card posts, too, I'd be much obliged. Okay, have to get ready to go to trapeze... hoping there's not obscene amounts of traffic. Later, skaterz.

So I came across a statement in a journal entry I wrote last year in regards to the economic recession. "I am not worried about finding another job after I get out of school, since nurses tend to be in pretty high demand." HAHAHA... HAHAH... HA. HA.... yeah. Not so much. Don't get me wrong, there is definitely still a nursing shortage, but no one is hiring. Especially not here in New England. And especially not new graduates. Yes, maybe I'm a little bit picky... I haven't been looking at nursing homes, only hospitals, but still. There's nothing out there. I've applied for 18 positions, been rejected from four. Still waiting to hear back from many of them, and obviously I'll keep applying places and networking where I can, but it sucks. This time two years ago, 75% of the MbEIN class already had jobs. One of the perks of going in to nursing was that hospitals were breaking down your door, offering you signing bonuses, and awesome benefits and salary packages just to get new grads to sign on with them. Now there are hiring freezes and layoffs and hospitals are dropping benefits left and right. One of the biggest hospitals in CT might have a nursing strike next week, too, if the union doesn't come to an agreement. I'm not panicking yet... but, like I said, it sucks. I am avoiding paying my bills just because I can't stand to look at my depleting bank account...

But I will get a job. I will. I'm going to stay positive. Yesterday both my clinical instructor and the nurse I was working with said I would make a wonderful oncology nurse and that it was my "niche". I am still glowing hearing those words, because that's where I want to be. I am going to give my resume to the floor manger next week and let her know I'm interested. It would be incredible to get hired on the floor I'm doing clinicals on now. I love it there. Keep your fingers crossed for me, and the rest of my nursing class, that things work out for us!

We graduate in exactly 30 days. Terrifying! I have so much work to do in these next few weeks it's insane, and honestly I am going to cling to my 4.0 with everything I've got. Advanced med-surg is not going to make keeping those perfect marks easy... gotta buck and up and just keep plowing through to get it done. We're in the home stretch but it's not even close to being downhill...

Okay, time to get some sleep because I have a fake NCLEX tomorrow morning. Can't think of a better way to spend my Saturday morning! :-P Later, skaterz.

So I feel like I need to get something off my chest so maybe I can stop dwelling on it. On Saturday foreverseenstar and I threw a Halloween party. This is usually our big party for the year. We don't throw parties like we used to, and maybe only have like really one a year these days. Halloween is a big deal for us. So I was pretty pumped about the party. I put a lot of time and money planning for it, neither of which I really have much of these days. So of the 60+ people that were invited to the party, only 11 actually showed. A bunch of people who RSVPed that they would come wound up not coming, some of whom didn't even let me know, or waited until the very last minute to say anything. There was also a bunch of people who never even replied to the invitation.

I get that having a party on Halloween isn't the most ideal... people have kids and trick-or-treaters. If there was any other day I could've done it, I would've. Also, I get that I haven't been the most super awesome friend this year. Nursing school has sort of sucked up any social life, and honestly I try to see people, and make time for my friends, but I'm exhausted and busy and burnt out like all the time. So I'm trying to still be a good friend... I might not make it onto LJ more than once a week, but I do eventually read people's entries. I reply to tweets and facebook posts. But apparently it's not good enough, because I feel like I'm just losing all of my friends. I've made some new friends in my program, but I don't know if I can count on those lasting past the program, even though I've spent like 30+ hours a week with these people. I feel like at the end of this year I will be distanced from everyone I know and that's a pretty lonely place to be.

I get that my friends are busy people, that they have a lot going on, too, but it just really hurt that many of them could not make it a priority to go to the one party we have a year, especially when they were given more than a month's notice about the event. At least a legitimate RSVP would've been nice from people, but many couldn't even do that. Why bother even sending invitations? I literally spent hundreds of dollars buying party supplies and food, and you know it's worth it when I get to share that with my friends. But this time it just felt like a big waste because even though I did have a great time with the people who showed up, all the party reminded me of was just how much I don't really matter. I felt stupid for putting in all the effort.

So, I had plans to like throw a graduation party or something, because I'm anticipating being able to have some semblance of a life again, but now I don't think I'll bother. I really don't have the time and money to put into something just to be reminded of how easily it is for people to ignore. It just hurts to not be a priority anymore... and who knows, maybe I deserve it. I'm not angry at anyone, and am past holding any kind of animosity about it, but I'm just disappointed. And I just felt a need to vent. Sorry for the whining... that's all for now. Later, skaterz.

I'm sorry. It's not that I ever denied the existence or authenticity of mental illness. I never would've said that depression or bipolar disorder or PTSD aren't serious or just as real as any other ailment that afflicts the heart or lungs or liver. But while I never would've said those things, I'm not sure how much I really believed them. I think part of me thought, "Depressed? Sure. If you were a stronger person you could pull yourself out of it if you wanted to. It just takes willpower." But it has nothing to do with how strong a person is, or willpower, or anything like that.

I am doing my psych rotation right now, and I had my first patient today. She has bipolar disorder and presented to the unit with sever depression and suicidal ideations. Her hopelessness is like an endless abyss and she feels helpless to do anything to change her situation. She cannot see a future of anything other than this illness. Her anxiety consumes her despite the plethora of medications. She wakes every two hours with night terrors, not of horrible monsters, but flashbacks of a time when her life was happier that now seem like too distant memories. Half the time I hardly knew what to say that wouldn't seem like a trite platitude. When she burst into tears her pain was so palpable it stabbed at my core. I felt helpless that I could do nothing to ease her pain. No one could. And I just wanted hug each and every one of you.

Her pain was just as real as the pain from a tumor, or a wound, or a surgical incision. Maybe worse because those are things you can pinpoint, they're tangible. Mental illness is serious and terrible and I am grateful to Luci for making it real to me when even those closest to me couldn't.

So, I'm sorry. And I am always here for those of you who need it. I love you.

I made it through my first semester of nursing school. My final grades aren't up yet, but I'm pretty confident I did okay. The final exam on Saturday wasn't quite as stressful as I thought it would be, but celebrating after was fantastic. The weather here is gorgeous and we spent the day at a bar with an outdoor patio on a lake. Couldn't have asked for a better day. I love my fellow nursies. :) I'm going to miss our clinical group from Hartford Hospital, but I'll still see them (during our now 12 hour days) on Mondays and will hopefully get to know some of the others in our class better. I'll start off the summer session with 4 weeks at the New London VNA, then 5 weeks at Manchester Memorial for maternity, and then working a soccer camp on campus for my peds rotation.

But anyway, enough of that. The important thing is that I HAVE TWO WEEKS OFF! And I just kicked it off in the most fantastic way last night when athena2483 went to go see KOOZA. We had front row Tapis Rouge tickets and I don't know how I'll ever go back. I've had 2nd row seats before, but these just didn't compare. I loved making eye contact with the performers, getting harassed by clowns, attacked by dogs, made fun of for spilling wine and being terrified for the roue de la mort performers, and flirted with by Tricksters. The show was phenomenal as it's always been and athena2483 adored it just as much as I do which made me happy. I swear, KOOZA is my anti-drug. I just can't stop smiling for 2.5 hours when I see it. There are few things on this planet that make me happier than Cirque du Soleil and I'm okay with that. :)

Well weather.com says it's now 65 out in Manhattan so I guess I can venture outdoors. Besides, I'm freaking starving. Having lunch at Cosi with athena2483 and dinner somewhere in Hell's Kitchen with uconngaz. Life is good. :) Any other suggestions on how I should spend my time in the city? I'm here until Wednesday morning. Later, skaterz.

I need to be in NYC with athena2483 and uconngaz like yesterday to talk all this shit out. Just need to get through seven more days... just need to find a way to focus.

I'll frost these cupcakes in the morning. I'm falling asleep at the keyboard. Later, skaterz.

Yeah, I suck at this, and everything else. So I sort of ignored Lent and all the promises I made to myself. I don't know what keeps me from writing, but I guess it's just because I'm overloaded with everything. I feel like a wretched and terrible person whose priorities are horribly out of whack and I don't know why everyone I know hasn't just abandoned me at this point. I was lousy at managing my time today so I didn't even get to the hospital. I haven't been since Sunday. I'm assuming my mom is still there considering no one has called to harass me about her discharge. But she's actually pretty alert these days so that makes me feel like an even more terrible person for not going to see her. I'm a horrible person. I should start completely withdrawing so that when I'm totally alone by the end of this program it won't be a terrible shock.

I feel like the only thing I'm not completely failing at is school. I've been getting good grades, particularly in things related to oncology (100 on my lung cancer presentation and a 104 on our oncology quiz), so that just makes me feel even more drawn to that specialty. I love the time I spend in clinicals. I know I'm where I belong and am heading toward the right path. I spend most of my time terrified I'm not doing something right... but somehow I love it.

I'm in the home stretch right now. Two days of clinical left, one research conference, one day of lecture, a nursing theory presentation, and an epic final exam are the only things standing between me and two weeks of freedom. Honestly I think if this semester was going to last one day longer I'd have a nervous breakdown.

Sorry for the self loathing. Things are just challenging and sucky right now and I need to whine. One way or another they'll get better. Just need to get to that point I guess. Time to go before I'm late to NECCA. Later, skaterz.

PS - Champagne is 15 years old today. What an old man. That dog needs to live forever.

So yeah, barely breathing... that pretty much sums up the past seven weeks both literally and figuratively. I have been beyond overwhelmed and insanely busy, and when I haven't been busy I've been so overwhelmed I don't know what to do with myself. (I was also very ill for a week or so, which is where the literally part comes in.) I feel like I haven't been able to even carry on a normal conversation with someone because I'm just constantly fighting through this stream of jumbled thoughts or like this inner monologue of "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" So yeah, I haven't been around LJ. I've been poking at some of your journals here and there, but that's about it. I miss you all, and I'm really going to make a concerted effort to post more often. I think it will help quiet the jumbled stream of thoughts in my head, plus I really do want to remember this time in my life. I come back from clinicals and there's always so much I want to share or vent about. So that's why for Lent I'm going to try to post every day, or at least a few times a week. I'm also going to give up eating after 9PM and start doing cardio 30 minutes a day. It's a tall order, but I really need to start focusing myself on everything and managing my time better. The first week of March is national procrastination week and for once I need to not celebrate it in earnest. Today has been annoying and shitty and just one of those days that just pisses you off, and there's not really one good reason just lots of small things that add up. So yeah, gonna go do something to make myself feel better and turn it around. Later, skaterz. (And I mean it this time!)

PS - Sorry if none of this made sense, but that's typical of my train of thoughts these days.

Today has pretty much been the most overwhelming day of my entire life. The first day of class was exhilarating and the thought of being so close to actually being able to care for patients and help people practically takes my breath away with excitement. But it was absolutely terrifying.

I am already about 400 pages (literally, no exaggeration) behind in reading because I was away on vacation. I have lab assignments due over the next few days and I haven't even taken all my books out of the shrink wrap yet. And everything else that is planned for us for the rest of the semester. The NCLEX prep and the pharmacology questions and the presentations and all of this from our first day! Just looking at the syllabus made me want to run screaming from the classroom. By midday I wasn't sure which I wanted to do more: throw up or start sobbing hysterically.

All of my instructors seem really nice, and like they're really there to help us become the best nurses we can be. I'm very grateful for that, but I still don't trust that I will be able to make it through this program. I am shocked there are other students in my class still trying to work. I am doubting every other commitment I've made so far... from Delta Sigma Pi to circus to working out to just being a good girlfriend, friend, and daughter! There are single parents in my class and I don't know how one is expected to be a functional human being and stay on top of all the work that's expected of us.

So I guess, if I am strong enough to make it through this week without falling apart at the seams, I just want this to serve as a preemptive apology for the next 12 months. I'm probably going to be a horrible friend and person, so I'm sorry. But I'll try. If I fail, well, I guess I'll see you after I pass the NCLEX... if I can make it that far.

I'm going to use this picture to get me through:



That's me, age 7, dressed up as Florence Nightingale for a book report. Funny how these things work out, huh? Later, skaterz.

PS - Oh, speaking of "funny how these things work out"... my mom was just admitted to Hartford Hospital today, to one of two floors that I'll be working on for my clinical rotation. Hilarious, huh? Getting her leg amputated below the knee is less hilarious though.

Okay, well, I'm not really home. But I'm back on American soil. I'm in Boston at a Holiday Inn Express. I intended to catch up on my blogging last night, but I was exhausted. I guess GMT finally caught up with me. The flight home wasn't too bad. I am about half way through Breaking Dawn right now. Anyway, I've gotta get going... no idea how long it's going to take me to get to the rig in this weather. I'll catch you up on the 2nd half of my UK trip later today/this week. Later, skaterz!

I'm safely back in Leicester after two more days in Ireland. I have to admit, I was a bit worried about the flight considering our flight number was 666. Honestly, who gives a flight that number? Would it kill them to have skipped over and gone from 665 to 667? Anyway... Day 6 of my trip.

We meant to get a lot done today. We tried to hit up the Book of Kells again only to find it still closed. We hopped back on the bus to go to Dublin Castle only to find that that also looked closed. We were meeting some fellow Brothers at the Guinness Storehouse at 1PM so we didn't have too much time to kill despite all of our messed up plans. (We got a later start than usual and we had to find EB a new pair of jeans since his had a huge rip in the ass. Who packs only one pair of pants on a trip??) Anyway, we killed time walking around St. Patrick's Cathedral. I hadn't really taken any pictures from the outside so it was good to get some shots of that. We also went to Marsh's Library. It was a lot of old books, and I don't really get the appeal if I can't touch them or photograph them, but EB likes that stuff. The curator was so freakin' adorable though! This little old man who was so friendly and clearly so excited about what he does. I just wanted to squish him! He made all the old books and walking around in the cold (they don't heat these places so as to help preserve the books) worth it. By the time we got done there it was time to go to the Store House.

We wandered the Guinness gift shop for a bit while waiting for our friends. When they arrived we immediately headed for the restaurant where I had a Harp (what, Guinness makes it so it's not really cheating!) and some delicious tilapia. It was starting to get dark (because it gets dark in this place by 4pm!) so we headed up to the Gravity Bar on the 7th floor to take full advantage of the 360 degree view of Dublin. By the time I finished my free pint of Guinness I was feeling pretty buzzed. So yeah, we eventually went back downstairs (after epic trouble with the lift) and started the tour properly since we'd already done it backasswards. (You're supposed to work your way up to the free pint, not skip right to the top, haha.) The tour was really cool, and the whole building is just awesome. I had a ton of fun with Jess and Miranda and were happy they could meet up with us. We were having such a good time we just managed to make the last tour bus out. EB and I grabbed dinner at our pub before our ghost tour. Oh! And another example of how freakin nice people are here: some guy that was sitting near us at the pub offered us free tickets to a concert because he had extra because his brother couldn't make it! THESE PEOPLE ARE SO NICE! We couldn't take them because we went on a Ghost Bus Tour that night. It didn't wind up being nearly as scary as they made it out to be, and actually it was pretty silly, but it was amusing all the same. We went to bed earlier because we were ABSOLUTELY DETERMINED TO SEE THE EFFING BOOK OF KELLS AND DUBLIN CASTLE before our plane left.



We did get up early as planned today, and we did make it to Trinity, and the exhibit to the Book of Kells was open, BUT THE BOOK WAS A COPY. WTF. I mean, you couldn't tell... well, maybe you could, but I didn't see the real thing so I wouldn't know. All of that and it was a damn copy. Well, whatever, it's not my cup of tea, but it was pretty interesting anyway I guess. I was more interested in the gift shop. *snuggles in new Trinity College sweatshirt* We hopped on the bus to go to Dublin Castle but the gates still looked closed so again we gave up. We used the time to just walk around, do some shopping, and take in some of the sites we hadn't gotten to take in yet like the River Liffey, Molly Malone's statue, and the O'Connell monument. We also ate lunch a place called Eddie Rockets, which is pretty much the exact same thing as Johnny Rockets. I had a fantastic fish sandwich. (Do you know I've managed to eat fried fish and potato chips like 5/7 days since I've been here?) Our plane ride was pretty smooth, and we got back around 6pm and just took it easy. We'd planned to go grocery shopping but everything closes so damn early around here, it's infuriating! Tomorrow we have plans to go check out some nearby castles. Hopefully we don't get lost! Later, skaterz.



PS - Why does everyone have their panties in such a twist over Eleven? Yes, he's young. But luckily he's also very attractive and he has hair that might come close to rivaling Tennant's. But seriously? Enough hate. Give the guy a shot. How about you watch the first episode and see if he's rubbish or not first?

PPS - I finished New Moon. Still crack, still love it, only thing I really have to say is: NEEDS MOAR EDWARD!!! I started Eclipse today... and hells yes, they have it in paperback here, bitchez! \o/

So I'm in Dublin and combined with being quite busy and having some pretty slow Wi-Fi you're getting a double post. I'm working on getting up all my pictures, but it takes forever to upload. It will probably be quite some time before they get appropriate captions, titles, and tags. Anyway, so I've been in Dublin for two days now. We got here Wednesday afternoon (after running late because EB forgot his work papers, almost dying on the way to the airport, our plane getting delayed, and me eating the BEST SANDWICH OF MY ENTIRE LIFE), and the first thing we did was head to a pub for dinner. GUINNESS TASTES EVEN MORE SPECTACULAR IN IRELAND. Just saying, it's awesome. I'm so excited to go to the storehouse tomorrow. After dinner we got changed and headed out to maybe the strangest NYE ever. Here is the flyer for what we went to:



Seems really awesome, right? Well, it was fun and good, but kind of a rip off. The drinks were outrages and they nickle-and-dimed you for everything from popcorn to the coat check. The circus acts were fantastic, the clowns amusing, the lounge singing left a little to be desired... there were no fireworks, and the countdown was lame and was actually started after midnight! So I felt sort of ripped off by the experience, but it was still worth going. I mean, the swinging trapeze act was absolutely incredible. That girl belongs in Cirque du Soleil not some hick family circus in Ireland. Also, EB and I made some friends. A lovely Irish couple that sat with us, Gretel & Ken, definitely made the night much more entertaining and worthwhile. Seriously, the absolute best thing about Dublin is the people. They are so nice, so friendly, extremely warm and welcoming. I am in love with the people here. The rest of the city... well, it's nice, but definitely not as exciting or nice as some others that I've been to. It's so full of history and heritage and I can totally appreciate that, some parts are just a bit... well, sketchy. Anyway, tangent. We retired pretty early and sober (especially considering that we're in one of the biggest cities for drinking in the world!) on new year's eve, but we were dorks and got stuff from the vending machines, and well it was just a fun time. I'm glad I spent it with EB. :) Can you believe it's our 5th NYE together?! Somehow it's the only holiday we ever manage to spend together...



Today EB and I agreed on sleeping late, so we didn't head out until around 11. We jumped on one of those hop on-hop off Dublin tour buses and it was AMAZING. We're definitely getting tickets again tomorrow. I can't think of a better way to get my lazy ass around the city. Unfortunately today all the stores and some of the attractions were closed, but we still managed to do a lot. We went to Trinity, but everything was closed so we'll go back tomorrow to check out the Book of Kells. The first place we went to that was open was Christ Church. I'd never heard of it before, but it was really beautiful inside and out. Right next door was Dublinia, which is a sort of fun interactive museum for Ireland's early history. I had a lot of fun there and learned a lot (did you know that Vikings didn't wear horns?!) and there was some tower (St. Michael's? St. Matthew's?) there that gave us a great panoramic view of Dublin. We went to St. Patrick's Cathedral which I expected to be a lot more impressive than Christ Church, but it really wasn't. I think it was definitely more beautiful, but it didn't seem that much larger. I dunno, once you see one epic cathedral you've kind of seen them all, right? Ha. After St. Patrick's we hopped on the bus and went to Kilmainham Goal, which is the old jail in Ireland. We were way early for our tour and stopped for coffee and a snack in the cafe. They have this thing here in Ireland called sticky toffee pudding and IT IS TO DIE FOR. Seriously, it's the most amazing thing I've ever tasted. I need to eat as much of it as possible before we leave on Saturday. Anyway, while the toffee pudding was sex, I wish we'd spent more time in the museum because it was extremely fascinating. I feel like I learned so much about Ireland's history and their struggle for independence that I had no idea about. The building itself was amazing, and the guided tour was wonderful. I definitely recommend checking it out if you're ever in Dublin. We caught the last tour bus back to O'Connell St (where our seriously lovely hotel is on) and we didn't have any other plans for the night so we decided to keep it low key and grab dinner at the hotel restaurant and then EB actually let me drag him to see Twilight. I know, I know, I'm in freakin' Ireland and what do I do? Go see fucking Twilight at the movie theatre. I can't believe he sat through it without gouging his own eyes out. I forgot how insanely cheesy parts of it are. I have a wonderful boyfriend. :) A wonderful boyfriend who has been waiting for me to go to bed for like three hours now, so I'm going to head out. Probably won't hear from me again until I'm back in Leicester... busy day tomorrow! Later, skaterz!

I have an excuse for posting this late today... we didn't get home until 1AM and I had to pack for Dublin. Have I mentioned that I hate packing? I am excited to see Ireland, don't get me wrong, but at the same time I'm sort of not thrilled about packing up and leaving again just when I started to feel comfortable, situated and at home. I'm sure it will be fun though.

We didn't really do much today... we met EB's parents for breakfast and then drove them to the train station so they could head off to Heathrow. Then we purchased a hairdryer and some Starbucks. Seriously, I am not a human being over here without Starbucks I decided. I think it's because my body refuses to get on GMT. We took the 1:30 train to London, and I perused some of the shops in the train station. By the time we got to the Portrait Gallery the Annie Liebovitz exhibit was quite crowded and I didn't want to feel rushed, so we browsed the shops along Leicester Square and the West End. I'll go on my own next week. I am kind of in love with Marks & Spencer and am really super excited to do grocery shopping there this weekend. We had dinner at Clos Maggiore, this very fancy, very romantic restaurant that EB picked out all on his own. I had a wonderful pumpkin soup and gnocchi that were to die for. We caught a taxi cab to the Novello Theatre and holy crap were our seats super super high. We were in the front row of the balcony, so that was good, but damn those steps are steep. Hamlet was excellent. Almost all the acting was supurb and I just have the utmost respect for actors who can do Shakespeare and do it well. Tennant's understudy did a great job, but I just couldn't help but think with each scene how much better it would've been had Tennant been on stage. Also, it was super long, but I was proud that I mostly stayed awake. I feel accomplished though for seeing a Shakespeare play, and in London. That should probably be on one of those bucket list of things to do before you die. Check! Okay, we're leaving for Dublin at 8AM tomorrow so time to pack up the computer and everything else and hope that Ryan Air doesn't turn me away for being a chronic over-packer. Hah! Later, skaterz.

HOLY SHIT HOW IS IT SO LATE?! I am clearly not on GMT yet. Also, it takes way too long to upload and edit pictures because I am so anal, so I don't know how long this updating daily thing is going to last, but I'm going to try. After a rough start this morning (we missed our train and my hair dryer doesn't work over here... much to EB's surprise but not to mine at all, I guess he's done being right!), we made it to London and headed straight for the Tower of London. It was such a cool place filled with tons of history. We went on one of the guided tours given by the Yeoman Warders AKA Beefeaters and our guide was very entertaining. We also saw the crown jewels which yeah, they were nice, but I wasn't terribly impressed. I was however impressed by the GIANT RAVENS GUARDING THE TOWER. Holy crap they are HUGE! And they let you get so close to them it's ridiculous! The Tower took up most of our day, and trying to find a place to sit down and eat took up another chunk of it. We finally ended up at a nice place called Browns and we all had beer and fish & chips. Delicious. We headed for Trafalgar Square after dinner and stumbled across the National Portrait Gallery (no I don't know how we stumbled upon it because actually it's FREAKING GIGANTIC) and saw it was still open for about an hour. EB and I barely scratched the surface of it, but I saw the most gorgeous photographic portraits. We're going back tomorrow (er, today...) and are actually going to pay to get into the Annie Leibovitz exhibit. I'm so excited, I love her! We did check of Trafalgar Square after (very pretty) and then caught a train back to Leicester. EB and I meant to go out to dinner or get groceries, but we lost track of time. It gets dark so early here, it kind of throws us off. Also, everything closes really early which is annoying. Tomorrow is Hamlet (sadly sans David Tennant) and saying goodbye to EB's family who are heading back to Boston tomorrow afternoon. Also, buying me a hairdryer that works. Later, skaterz!

I'm here! I left from Boston last night and arrived at Heathrow this morning after a very long, cramped and uncomfortable flight. I am already dreading the trip home. I was originally offended that EB and I weren't going to spend the day in London today... he said I would be too tired. I was indignant. Well, about half way through the flight I wanted to cry I was so tired and uncomfortable. I knew he was right. (YOU HEAR THAT YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING! Enjoy it while it lasts!) After landing later than scheduled (crosswinds the whole flight) and getting the third degree from the customs agent (piece of advice, always have a print out of your itinerary showing you have a way to get back home otherwise they ask you about 2094280 questions until you're convinced you've broken at least 50 international laws), I finally made it to EB and collapsed in his arms. The ride to Leicester was agonizing because the car was so small and my legs still hurt so much, and it was a bit terrifying to be sitting on the left side of the car but not driving it! We pulled his micromachine into the CAR PARK and took the LIFT up to his FLAT and I passed out for four hours on his couch. When he finally managed to convince me to get out of bed we spent the rest of the day wandering around Leicester and had a delightful lunch at a sushi restaurant. We met up with his parents for dinner, and in between I've been attempting to be good about uploading pictures and catching up on interwebs. Everything is delightfully British here and I'm so excited for London tomorrow. I'll try to be good and keep up with the regular updates, or at least the picture posting on flickr. Time to try and get on some sort of Greenwich Mean Time sleeping schedule. Later, skaterz!

Waking up, reading Post Secret, stopping at Starbucks for a ginger green tea, and then heading up to Boston to spend my morning flying on the trapeze with my IFW class. :)


Oh hey, real post now maybe, yeah? I just couldn't resist this quick little Writer's Block. BRB!

Merry Christmas, BBs!

I hope you are all having a fantastic day filled with good food, family and friends, joy, and lots and lots of love!

Me, I'm going to try not to be a huge stress ball about everything I have to get done before I leave for the UK! Okay, gotta be at my aunt's house in ohhh, 19 minutes. Still in my sweatpants. GAAH! Later, skaterz.

PS - I had really weird vampire dreams last night. I blame how distraught (no srsly tears streaming down my face) I was after reading the next two chapters of New Moon. D:

OMG THIS IS THE MOST HORRIBLE THING EVER. I DIDN'T GET TO THE BOOKSTORE IN TIME TO BUY NEW MOON! BUT I WENT AHEAD AND READ THE FIRST CHAPTER AT THE BACK OF TWILIGHT ANYWAY! AND NOW I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE AND NOW I'M GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWAL! AND THEY KEEP SHOWING THE TRAILER ON TV AND famouslyso LINKED TO THIS INCREDIBLE PICSPAM AND NONE OF IT IS HELPING MY ADDICTION. ALSO I DON'T HAVE ANY REAL FOOD IN MY HOUSE AND HAVE BEEN CONSISTING OFF OF MOSTLY COOKIES WHICH IS ALSO NOT HELPING. I MADE A GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!?

Okay, clearly I've finished reading Twilight and clearly I've gone insane. lyndasty is tempting me with PDFs of New Moon but I must resist! I have so much to do before tomorrow! So much wrapping to do! I can't bring myself to do it... my hands... are like... I don't know. They are stiff and hurt and my manicurist is going to kill me tomorrow I'm pretty sure when she sees them. But yeah, not feeling wrapping anything with them right now. I'm sort of dreading washing my face for bed... even though I need to go to bed because I need to sleep because I have so much to do tomorrow!

So since I finished Twilight... the movie. Yeah, I think they actually did a pretty good job representing the book. I mean, the book is better than the movie, but they always are. I think the book is more romantic, more emotional, more intense than the movie. Which is kind of surprising because I really do think the movie tries to overdo it with the intensity which makes it all sort of comical. I think the key to enjoying this movie is to not take it too seriously... but really how can you with Carlisle strutting about. *g* The movie is flawed, but Kristen Stewart is so beautiful that I can forgive that. I think she's a spectacular Bella. However, I think they could've found a better Edward Cullen. Or written him better? Or he could've been acted better? I don't know, Edward is just so charming and *perfect* maybe it's not possible to find someone to play him. He was usually coming off as either wrist-cutter emo, mildly retarded, or constipated. Not really charming. But do I have this insane desire to go see the movie again? Absolutely. Did I ask my boyfriend today if he would change his last name to Cullen? You betcha.

Yep, I have a problem. And I think I should probably just go to sleep now before I incriminate myself further. Later, skaterz.

So, as usual, I'm behind on my blogging. No great excuse considering I'm UNEMPLOYED now and should therefore have lots of free time, but as usual, I fill up all my free time doing too much. And I've been snowed in and trafficked in and all sorts of stuff that should have kept me glued to the internet, and therefore caught up on my flist and emails, etc... but no, instead, I found Twilight.

I am not a fast reader, but I read about 300 pages in the last 24 hours, and stayed up until 4AM last night because I couldn't put it down. I don't understand how this woman got published, she is mediocre at best when it comes to writing, and honestly it reminds me of fanfic I wrote in high school. I have read better written fanfic than this, I have friends who could write circles around Stephenie Meyer. So I really can't understand why this is SUCH CRACK. I can't put it down. It's all I think about. I WANT A SPARKLY VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND. (At least my boyfriend's name is already Edward. *g*) I am just like in love with this book, and I don't understand why but... I love it. It's so bad it's good.

And foreverseenstar and I went to see the movie today... lulz. I haven't finished reading Twilight yet, so I don't feel like I can adequately comment on the movie until I do. So I'll just leave you with my favorite scene:



Haha! Later, skaterz!